After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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