He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
