Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
