Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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