The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
