I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
