i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
