what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
