Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
