So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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