i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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