ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
