fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
