Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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