The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
