Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Will exercising make me less horny?
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