I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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