we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Mom said you looked used
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
