Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
