you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
