gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
