A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
