Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
