Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
