just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
