Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
