I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
