Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
