the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
