we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
