At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
