Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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