The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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