I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
