i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
