My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
