I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
