you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
