Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
