Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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