I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
