somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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