He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
