Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
