i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
