I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
