you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
