Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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