the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
