she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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