She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
