I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
